Find Yourself On Bridges Across Time
by whynotitsfun
Summary: Takes Place in the Same Universe as Lose Yourself And Rebuild Yourself, 12 years after the events of the last story. LIfe is marred by loss, but when there is a artificial being with the powers of a god, anything is possible. A lot of flashforwards, flashbacks and flash-sideways. What would you give to fix the one thing in your life that's missing, to find the person you love...


**A/N: Yeah, I'm probably going to annoy people with this one… The idea came from the opening scene and it just kind of built from there. This isn't going to be a straight forward narrative but will go forward and backwards in time quite a bit. Although there is an underlying "plot" so to speak, or at least a reason for this, at times it will be a lot of memories and windows into the lives of the Monroe family as time progresses (with a few scenes that occurred during Rebuild Yourself but may not have been shown). **

**It's all probably OOC for Miles and Bass, but they're quite a bit older throughout a lot of this, so please forgive me for that. I don't know if this is exactly another sequel but it does exist in the same universe as Lose Yourself and Rebuild Yourself. **

**The subject matter is sad at times, it's supposed to be. Again the entire thing started with a scene that popped in my head of Bass having an argument with his oldest daughter about what was age appropriate for a girl her age and having to deal with a temperamental teenager, and how he'd handle it… **

**This is Charloe in a sense that she will always be his, but obviously there is very little smut at least at first. For one thing, as our story unfolds he's almost 62 years old. Don't get me wrong, there are some men that at that age are still gorgeous, but the idea of writing smut for someone nearing retirement age is kind of squicky for me (although this Bass has aged gracefully…) All character dates are for the most part only a part of this universes Canon, although the birth years for all of the main characters listed (accept Gene Porter) are from the show's canon, although I've made up the months and days where I felt necessary (Bass' middle name was one I made up at the beginning of Lose Yourself)**

**I've tried to go through the other two stories and straightened out the dates the best I could, but if I've screwed something up, please accept my apologies (the names of some of the townsfolk, including names of the children's peers I just kind of made up with disregard to the parents because I could spend hours trying to get it just so otherwise… The story assumes that there are Carter and Andersons all over the place between cousins and kids etc that have grown up with the Monroe Children…)**

**Please see the end of the story for a list of all dates that may be relevant for the rest of the story. And please, all is not lost between our favorite couple… I've decided not to go Nano crazy the way I am in Ends and Beginnings. The Nano in this universe are always in the background. God like to be sure, but are neither malicious or benevolent. They just are, and they are very curious indeed.**

_June 30, 2044_

"I said no, and that's final." Sebastian Monroe said as he slammed the pan down on the stove.

"But all of my friends will be there. Why not?" Angela Grace Monroe whined.

He turned to his daughter and sighed, his expression softening. "You're fourteen, Angie. You're too young to go into town by yourself—let alone spend the night there."

"It's not fair! Kelsey Anderson gets to go! I don't get to do anything." She bent forward burying her head in her arms on the kitchen table.

"Kelsey Anderson is two years older than you. I told you, I'm sorry; but I've got two mares getting ready to foal. With Aaron and your older brother still in Austin, I can't leave the farm." In truth, he hated going into town now, but he'd never admit it aloud, and the summer dance in town was a sore spot as well. Charlie had always loved going.

She shot up from her chair. "Mom would have let me go!" She ignored the pained look on her father's face at the mention of her mother.

Bass turned away from her under the pretense of putting bacon in the pan. "Go to your room," he said softly, feeling lost and defeated.

Angie just glared at him. "I hate you!" she screamed before turning and running from the room.

Bass pulled the pan off of the stove so it wouldn't burn and sat down at the table, jumping in his chair a little at the sound of the bedroom door slamming. The urge to go after her and tell her exactly what he thought about her tantrum was overwhelming, so he fought against it and took a few breaths until he had his temper well in hand.

Yes, Charlie would have let her go; she'd have taken her to the dance herself. She'd have done a lot of things, but she wasn't here so his children were stuck with him. And yes, maybe he was being a little overprotective. How could anyone blame him?

"I take it that Hurricane Angie has dissipated for the moment?" Miles said as he came into the kitchen. The second he'd seen Angie cornering her father by the stove, he'd made a beeline for the safety of the barn.

"Oh I'm sure this is just the calm before the next storm," Bass said sadly as he got up and went back to the stove to get the bacon started again.

"You know she doesn't mean it. She's just being a teenager," he offered.

"She's so much like her mom." She may have inherited his dark curls and resembled his sisters, but in every other way, she was pure Charlie. His voice cracked as he mentioned his late wife. It had been two and a half years since the cancer had taken Charlie away from him, but the ache of it was still raw on mornings like this. It just wasn't fair. He was so much older than her—she wasn't supposed to have gone first. She was only thirty-four when the universe had played its cruel joke on him and stolen her.

Bass blinked away the tears that threatened and went about getting breakfast on the table for the kids. Priscilla had already gone over to the new bunkhouse and gotten the hands fed. With thirty men to feed they'd decided that when they built the bigger building that a kitchen was mandatory. By now she'd be in the dairy, which she'd taken over after Charlie had gotten sick.

Over the years since the war, they'd taken Daniel Forrester's gift of the farm and had built it up. It had already been the largest farm in the area but now it was really something to behold. The stables were known throughout Kentucky for producing the finest mounts that money could buy. The contract with the Texas Rangers had been renewed indefinitely, which guaranteed that even in leaner years his family would never starve.

Charlie had expanded on her dairy little by little too. When the newly formed U.S. Government had the railway system fully operational, the milk and cheese they produced found its way all over the region. She'd been right that it would bring in a lot of money, but then it seemed she was always right when she had an idea. Between the two of them, they'd built up their little "empire" and their family was more than well off.

All in all, before Charlie had gotten sick, their lives couldn't have been better. Sure, they'd suffered a few blows. Rachel had been taken by influenza six years ago, with Gene following not long after at the age of 82. It had been a rough time, especially for Charlie having lost her mother and grandfather within less than six months of each other. But, they'd made it through and had kept going—until the day she collapsed on the way across the yard…

_August 15, 2041_

_Bass is working with one of the yearlings. He has the young filly going in circles on her lead, watching her movements carefully. This one promises to be a real beauty. Her lines are perfect and he's quite proud of this one. He's already decided to keep her. When this girl is ready for riding, she's going to make an excellent mount for his eldest daughter. _

_ Angie has already shown that she shares her father's love of horses, and at ten years old, she's already an accomplished rider. The girl had fallen in love with this animal from the moment she was born and has taken to calling her Phoenix. Bass will formally give the animal to her for her birthday in the fall, but everyone knows that Phoenix is already hers._

_ He allows the animal to slow, having gone through her paces, it's time to let her cool down. He sees Charlie coming in from the dairy. She smiles at him, waving. Still head over heels in love with her after all these years, he beams back at her. He looks back to Phoenix just for a moment before he sneaks another quick peek at his pretty young wife. It is then that it happens. She stops walking and wavers for a second before falling to the ground._

_ "Charlie!" He drops the lead he's holding and jumps over the fence, racing over to her. Within moments he's on his knees before her. He pulls her over to him, turning her over and cradling her head in his lap. She's unconscious but within a few minutes she starts to come to._

_ "Bass?" She's panting, like she can't catch her breath._

_ Miles is coming out of the stillhouse, having just spent the morning getting a new batch set up. He sees them in the yard just as Bass is picking her up in his arms. He doesn't even have to ask; They share a look and then Miles runs to the stables and prepares a mount. After barking an order to a stable hand to tend to Phoenix, he's on the road, galloping at breakneck speed for town._

_ Despite protests that she's fine and just got a little dizzy, Bass forces Charlie to stay in bed until the doctor gets there. Doc Lundy examines her carefully. He finds the lump under her arm. He pulls Bass aside to tell him his suspicions. "Without being able to give her an MRI or X-Ray, this is purely guesswork, but I am suspecting cancer—most likely breast cancer."_

_ Bass feels his whole world start to collapse around him. "Can't you remove it or do… something? I can't lose her, Doc."_

_ "I've got a friend in Memphis. He's retired now, but he was an oncologist before the blackout. I'll send my nephew for him on the morning train and see if there's something we can do," he offers._

_ August Henderson comes at once and confirms Lundy's diagnosis. Charlie agrees to allow them to try and remove what they can. They know it's a long shot, but it's worth it. They find out rather early into the surgery that it's too late. The cancer has spread. If they're right, she'd collapsed and was having trouble breathing because it has gotten into her lung. _

_ Over the next several months, with no other treatments available, she slowly wastes away. He buries her just a few days before their eleventh wedding anniversary. As Bass watches her coffin being lowered into the grave, he feels like he's died right along with her, but time and family have a way of healing things. _

_ After a few months of drinking his pain away, wishing he could join her, he pulls himself out of it. She wouldn't have wanted them to lose himself in a bottle again, not like he'd done when he'd come home from the war. She'd have wanted him to carry on and be there for their children and fight to keep the life they'd built together, so this is what he's done._

"Daddy, you're burning the bacon!"

He shook himself out of his reverie to find seven-year old Charlotte staring at him with concern. "Shit!" He grabbed the tongs and started pulling the strips out before they got blacker. So lost had he been in his thoughts that he hadn't even noticed Miles had retreated once more.

Despite is insistence on the name Sebastian Jr., his youngest child's gender had prevented that one. He'd been in Austin negotiating a new contract with the Rangers when Charlie had gone into labor a month early. When he'd returned he had discovered that in moment of whimsy, she'd named the baby Charlotte. He couldn't have his junior, but it hadn't meant she couldn't—and to add insult to injury she'd even taken the liberty of choosing the middle name Junior, just to toy with him.

To be sure, her namesake was a mini-Charlie if he'd ever seen one. By the time she turned four, anyone that had known his wife when she was a child was pointing it out. Indeed, she'd been an exact copy of the little girl he remembered from all those years before the blackout.

"Morning, CJ," he said, kissing her on top of her wavy ashen mop when she came over to give him a hug. She was every bit as stubborn as her older sister and mother, but she was so much quieter. Aaron insisted that she was just like her late uncle in that regard. Danny Matheson had always been quiet and gentle whereas his sister had been a volatile force of nature.

"Morning, Daddy," she beamed. Always perceptive, CJ could tell her father was upset this morning, and if the slam of her sister's bedroom door was of any indication, she knew exactly why. "Want help?" she offered.

"Why don't you go set the table?" he asked gently as he reached for the bowl of eggs he'd cracked so he could beat them and get them started. "It's just you girls and miles and me," he told her.

Being summer, Danny and Chance had already taken off for the day. They'd likely eaten with the farmhands before spending the morning helping out. By lunch time they'd probably take off into the woods for the rest of the day. Despite their three year age difference, Bass' youngest two sons were as thick as thieves.

He was sure that as Danny got older that would change a little. At some point girls would replace fishing and tree forts as his primary interests in life, but for the time being Danny was content to roam the farm and surrounding countryside like a heathen with his kid brother.

With breakfast on the table, Miles and CJ joined him. A few minutes later, Hope appeared. "Angie says she's not hungry," she announced as she sat down. Having to share a room with her temperamental older sister proved that his twelve-year old daughter had the patience of a saint; and with her platinum blonde hair and pale blue eyes, she had the looks of one too.

Bass knew he'd be in trouble with this one in a few years. As she slowly matured over the past year, he'd noticed a few of Danny's friends looking at her a little differently. By the time she was Angie's age, he had a feeling he'd have to be chasing the boys away from her. That was something he was not looking forward too. Angie was different. She was beautiful in her own way (and that wasn't just a parent's pride), but with her mother's temper he never had to worry about some boy taking advantage of her. A complete tomboy, she'd much rather be punching her male peers than kissing them. On the other hand, his Hope was so sweet natured that he'd always have to worry about her.

"Of course she isn't," he mumbled. He was sure Angie would pout for a few hours before deciding to join the rest of the world once more. "So, what are you two up to today?" he asked, changing the subject.

"Katie said she'd teach me how to work with oils this week," Hope began. Her older sister-in-law had taken his middle daughter under her artistic wing. "Can I go over to the Carter's today?"

Katie and Connor had recently moved back in with Katie's family after her father had gotten on in years. Ten years older than Bass, Avery was slowing down and couldn't handle the place on his own. Connor split his time between both farms, but eventually he'd take over the Carter's place permanently.

"I want to go too! Sarah and I are working on a very important project!" Charlotte interjected. Although technically Sarah was her niece, she and CJ were only a few months apart and quite close.

"And what project is that, CJ?" he asked.

"Top secret!" she exclaimed.

_Top Secret?_ That usually meant it would involve some furry creature finding its way into her bedroom in the near future. Permissions were given and Miles offered to see them out there safely. It was only an hour ride away, but he couldn't help being protective. They were all he had left of their mother and he was determined to keep them safe, even if it killed him.

Within an hour breakfast was cleaned up and he was on his way to the stables to check on those mares. As he crossed the yard he drew the attention of a very large pig that was stretched out in front of the dairy. This was a common sight on the farm. It seemed that the pig just hadn't accepted that his mistress would not be coming to greet him.

The animal made its way towards him, grunting as it snuffled at Bass' pocket. "Alright," he muttered as he pulled the apple out and handed it to him. The morning ritual that Charlie had once performed had become his task now. He watched the pig take one last forlorn look at the dairy before falling in step behind him.

Brodie had made it to the ripe old age of twelve and the pig had taken it upon himself to become Bass' new barnyard shadow when the dog had finally given into nature two years ago. The pig still had a few years left and Bass hadn't had the heart to get rid of Charlie's precious pet. He still remembered nursing the little runt back to health just to please her when they'd still be so unsure of each other in those early months on the farm.

_Charlie comes into the kitchen just before dawn. She's been nursing the twins and can't seem to go back to sleep. Bass had come to bed very late, only grunting in response when she'd asked him what he'd been doing. _

_ Slightly annoyed with him, she almost trips over the makeshift pen when she comes into the room. Cursing at her throbbing toe, she lights a lamp to see what was in her way. There, sleeping inside the pen, wrapped up in a blanket was the tiny little piglet that she'd seen the afternoon before. It had made her sad to think that the poor creature wouldn't make it._

_ As she sets the water on the stove to boil and make coffee, she notices the feed bottle sitting out on the counter. It finally sinks in what he'd been doing all night. He'd been feeding the piglet. She shakes her head as she smiles. The gesture was so simple, but holds so much meaning. The gruff and crass Sebastian Monroe was up all night playing nursemaid to a piglet, and he'd done it for her._

_ An hour later, Bass comes into the kitchen. He's still exhausted, but he has to feed the damn runt before beginning his day. Bleary eyed, it doesn't occur to him that she's been up for a while and that she's the one that has made coffee—Aaron and Priscilla are still sleeping. _

_ She comes up behind him as he's stirring the makeshift pig formula sleepily. Charlie kisses him on the cheek, "Thank you," she says as she sets a cup of coffee down on the counter in front of him, spiked just as he likes it._

_ They lock eyes for a second and he smiles at her. That gentle kiss and the happiness on her face have made the lack of sleep totally worth it. A little embarrassed, he turns back to the task at hand. He knows he's blushing and he's positive she damn well knows it. _

The pig followed Bass throughout his morning chores. He had enough help to handle all of it, of course, but he loved these quite hours after breakfast. The hard work kept him in shape (as Charlie had always been happy to point out), and it helped him to block out the loneliness he felt when his mind drifted to his wife. Mucking out stalls and brushing down the horses was almost therapeutic and he found that the days he couldn't take the time to do this seemed to be just a little bit harder than the rest.

He was just finishing up when Angie came into the stable. Her choice of clothing suggested she was intent on riding to soothe her ruffled feathers. It was the one thing that made her happy when she was down. "I'm sorry, Daddy," she said as she stood on her toes and reached for Phoenix's saddle.

Bass came up behind her and helped to pull it down. "It's okay. I know it's hard, not having your mom here. It's hard on me too."

"I miss her so much," she said, tearing up.

He put an arm around her. "Me too." With Priscilla and Katie around, it wasn't like his daughters lacked for female role models, but it wasn't the same as growing up with their mother there. Mornings like this only served to remind him how lost he was when it came to raising a teenaged daughter.

Bass helped her saddle the horse out of habit than anything else. The girl was more than capable. "Listen, when Miles took Hope and CJ to the Carters' Katie happened to mention that she was planning to head into town for a few hours tomorrow. I know it's not the same as staying over with the other girls, but at least you'd be able to go for a little while," he offered, hoping she'd take the olive branch.

"Thank you, Daddy!" she said as she gave him a quick hug before she led her precious Phoenix out of the stable.

He nodded as he watched her mount the horse and take off down the path that led to the cornfields. "Keep an eye out for Dickhead Jr. He broke out yesterday and we couldn't find him," he called after her.

"I will!" she shouted back before disappearing around the bend.

_December 4, 2044_

He knelt under the apple tree that sat on the other side of the fence where the dairy abutted the pasture. The simple wooden cross marked her final resting place. It had been hell digging around all of those roots, but she'd loved sitting under this tree, so this is where he'd insisted on laying her to rest. Avery had told him that he'd probably kill the damn thing doing it, but he hadn't cared. If the tree couldn't be bothered to survive, then so be it.

It seemed that nature had taken pity on him though and it still stood tall and strong, offering the fruit that she'd loved to pick (and feed her damned pig) every fall. The cold wind bit into his skin, but he sat out there still. He'd dried the last of the summer roses to save for this day, just as he had the previous two years and would continue to do for years to come.

"Happy anniversary, Charlie." He said as he placed the dried flowers on her grave and pulled the bottle out of his jacket. This was the one day he allowed himself every year. It was kind of expected and his family and employees alike all avoided this part of the farm to offer him privacy. The rest of the year when the grief hit him, he forced it away and trudged on with his day, but not the fourth day of December. Even in death, this was their day.

He broke the seal on the bottle and took a drink. "Three years," he murmured. "I thought it'd get easier, but it never does."

As the first tears fell, he took another drink, appreciating the warm burn it gave on the way down in contrast to the chill of winter. He got comfortable and got started; filling her in on everything she'd missed over the past year. This process would take hours as he covered each kid and the farm and everything else he could think of. "Let's see… The twins just turned fifteen. Angie is so much like you it hurts sometimes. She's got your temper that's for sure. Billy Jacobs tried to sneak a kiss behind the school last week and she got in trouble for breaking his nose.

"Danny is doing good. He still hasn't noticed girls yet, so we know he doesn't take after me," he let out a chuckle. "He's getting good grades, so we know he doesn't take after Miles. He's like a blond version of Ben, I guess.

"Hope is turning into quite the artist. She's got sketches and paintings all over the house. She's costing us a fortune in canvases, but you should see the way her face lights up when she gets a new one. When she runs out she paints on anything and everything she can get her hands on. She even painted the side of the outhouse.

As he spoke, he leaned up against her tree, stretching his legs out in front of him. "Chance is always on the move. He disappeared for two days this summer. Danny said he wanted to see where the creek ended, so he followed it all the way to the damn river and then decided he wanted to see where that ended.

"CJ is trying to adopt every stray and wild animal in Kentucky. I don't know where she keeps finding the cages but there are six of them in her room. She's got mice and lizards and god knows what else in there. Her sisters are terrified to go in her room.

"Miles is, well he's still Miles. He misses your mom still but he's getting by okay. He hasn't fallen into a barrel of late, so I that's something. I guess we kind of keep each other in check and sane. He's still a dick though." Bass was starting to get really drunk and was numb with the cold but he wasn't ready to leave yet.

"I never thought I'd have to do this without you. It's so fucking hard," he said, his voice cracking and the tears falling freely once more. "I miss you so much and sometimes I'm not sure what I'm doing. You were always better at this than me; you had all the answers. I'm so afraid I'm going to screw them up somehow, you know?"

His shoulders shaking and breath hitching, he could no longer speak. He sobbed openly and loudly, not caring who might overhear him in his grief. He did not notice the eerie green glow behind him. He wiped his eyes and took a few deep breaths. "I'd give anything to have you back. Eleven years wasn't long enough; we were supposed to be forever."

He sat in silence as he finished his bottle. Standing up, he swayed on his feet. He dropped to his knees again as the alcohol took him under. "I love you," he mumbled as he passed out above her.

The image appeared over him. "So lost and yet he's still here holding on. This was not what we expected when we gave him that choice… So sad- to keep his end of the bargain, all for nothing. Humans are so fragile…" The glow of insects that should not have been there ebbed and flowed above him like a swarming tide.

"How hard would he fight if he was given another choice? Hmm… We are… _curious." _Angela Lynne Monroe's eyes glowed a brilliant green as she watched him. The tears that he'd cried still stained his cheeks as he slept. If no one found him soon, he could very well freeze to death out here – It was unusually cold for December in Kentucky and he'd drank enough for it to be a concern.

The air around them shimmered and the fireflies began to increase their speed as they revolved around him. The Nano just couldn't help themselves. Their thirst for knowledge on this curious condition called humanity had led them to do all sorts of interesting things. What if he knew then what he knew now. Would he go back and try to give her the one thing that could have saved her life? The Nano so loved a good experiment….

**Important Dates For This Story: **

**Sebastian William Monroe – 08/06/1982**

**Miles Matheson – 10/03/1981**

**Charlotte Matheson – 04/19/2007 – 11/30/2041, Buried 12/02/2041 **

**Rachel Matheson – 1984 - September 2038**

**Gene Porter – 1957 – February 2039**

**Daniel "Danny" Ross Monroe – 11/21/2029 (14 years)**

**Angela "Angie" Grace Monroe – 11/21/2029 (14 years)**

**Hope Monroe – 05/20/2032 (12 years)**

**Chance Monroe – 06/11/2033 (11 years)**

**Charlotte Junior "CJ" Monroe 03/16/2037 (7 years)**

**End of the Patriot War – June 2031**

**Monroe's Trial – 05/09/2032**

**Charlie and Bass' wedding - 12/04/2030**

**The events of Lose Yourself In The Fog took place from March 2029 (circa Austin City Limits) till November 21, 2029 (the birth of the twins, 4 weeks early)**

**The Events of Rebuild Yourself Slowly took place from November 21, 2029 through Bass' execution date on 06/09/2032. The final bit of the epilogue occurred in the summer of 2036, four years after the so-called execution, ending with the announcement of Charlie's pregnancy with CJ. **


End file.
